Tuesday, February 20, 2018

2018 Champions: Team Safe Space/Bike Club Vest!

This year's Chariot Wars CHAMPIONS! Team Safe Space (AKA Bike Club Vest)
Lots of great photos over on Bikeportland.org! And on the Chariot Wars Instagram.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

2018 Ben Hurt Chariot Wars Rules!

Last year's winners make up this year's rules. A lot of them are for SAFETY so we're pretty serious about them. (For any questions about Rules 1-9 please see Rule 10)


  1. Have fun, dammit. It's fun to fuck up your friends, but remember that we ARE friends.
  2. To be eligible to win, a team will consist of two people, one charioteer and one steed, a bike/trike/kickscooter/unicyclist and a chariot joined together by a hitch.
  3. Battlecars may enter but may not win. If there are enough entrants, we propose a separate battlecar expo demolition derby, which would be hella sweet.
  4. If any team member loses contact with their chariot, they're out. If your chariot is disabled, you're out. Participants cannot be tethered to their vehicles in any way. Cheaters are out. Goon Squad has final say.
  5. Spectators are not to fuck with chariots in any meaningful way. You can hand someone a fallen weapon. Glitter/shaving cream balloon bombs, okay. Chili-flinging, gross, but okay. Build a chariot if you want to fight.
  6. No chemical/biological weapons. Smoke bombs are okay, as is blood from a wound sustained in battle, but please don't bring pipe bombs or months old piss, rotten eggs or expanding foam. This applies to spectators as well as charioteers.
  7. If a battlecar is in the arena but not participating in the battle (like the hot tub), they are not to be fucked with.
  8. Weapons must be padded. If you want to use an unpadded weapon ONLY against chariots, it must be painted bright orange. If you don't want it used against you, don't bring it
  9. Goon Squad can and will blacklist spectators from the party and Sunday events if these very simple guidelines are not followed. Goon Squad has final say.
  10. Deal with it.

Monday, January 15, 2018

2018 Mini Bike Winter Details

Chariot Wars Rules are coming soon. In the meantime there are details for Mini Bike Winter 2018!
Head over to the Zoobomb website for more! And get those Chariots fired up!

Friday, February 10, 2017

Chariot Wars Patches

All competitors get a sick patch this year! See you at the battle!

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

2017 Chariot Wars! Rules and info!


The Rules are basically the same as last year, brunch is at a new spot, and all other Mini Bike Winter details can be found at: zoobombpdx.org

Here's what you need to know so far:

February 19th., 2017
Meet for Brunch at The Booby Trap, 3005 SE 25th, PDX and be ready to ride from there.
Brunch starts at 2 PM
Ride to the battle leaves at after brunch.
Shit-talking begins NOW!

2017 RULES!
This is mainly a formality since very little is changing, but here are the rules this year's organizers have decided on for Ben Hurt 2016. 

 1) Have fun, dammit. It's fun to fuck up your friends, but remember that we ARE friends.

 2) To be eligible to win, a team will consist of two people, one charioteer and one steed, a bike/trike/kickscooter/unicyclist and a chariot joined together by a hitch.

 3) Battlecars may enter but may not win. If there are enough entrants, we propose a separate battlecar expo demolition derby, which would be hella sweet.

 4) If any team member loses contact with their chariot, they're out. If your chariot is disabled, you're out. Cheaters are out. Goon Squad has final say.

 5) Spectators are not to fuck with chariots in any meaningful way.  You can hand someone a fallen weapon. Glitter/shaving cream balloon bombs, okay. Chili-flinging, gross, but okay. Build a chariot if you want to fight.

 6) If a battlecar is in the arena but not participating in the battle (like the hot tub), they are not to be fucked with.

 7) Goon Squad can and will blacklist spectators from the party and Sunday Olympics if these very simple guidelines are not followed.

 8) No chemical/biological weapons. Smoke bombs are okay, as is blood from a wound sustained in battle, but please don't bring pipe bombs or months old piss and rotten eggs. This applies to spectators as well as charioteers.

 9) Weapons must be padded. If you want to use an unpadded weapon ONLY against chariots, it must be painted bright orange. If you don't want it used against you, don't bring it.

10) deal with it.